We’ve all had conversations about people who tend to date according to the amount of money another person has or will acquire within their lifetime. Typically these conversations never reach a clear resolve as they are often culturally charged and sometimes shameful to admit. The cliché “money makes the world go round” feels a little sad and shallow to embrace and can uncover some challenging questions about love and relationships. But let’s face it, human existence is complex and should be approached as such. Black and white thinking surely will not lead to the answers we seek. We must go deeper even when it’s uncomfortable. In efforts to go deeper, I’ve talked to others about the weight that finances should carry in romantic relationships and there seems to be a common theme. People are coming to terms with the fact that finances are not separate. Finances can build or destroy relationships of all kinds and must be addressed through the pursuit of lifelong happiness (if that sort of thing exists).

The term “gold digger” seems to have a negative connotation because it reflects an extreme act of prioritizing financial gain over human beings. Minimizing the rich factors that makes someone a unique person with emotions, thoughts and experiences seems downright wrong and soulless. We spend so much time cultivating our values, personalities and character strengths in hopes to become someone who contributes to the lives of others in significant and meaningful ways. Not just monetarily. With this being said, the act of gold digging does seem a bit immoral. But perhaps there’s a middle ground that allows for the consideration of finances in relationships without dismissing the humanity that exists within each of us. Let’s call this middle ground, goal digging. Stepping outside of the polarizing poles of either or and into the grey area that considers all aspects of financial wellbeing in addition to relational fulfillment. Sure it’s a thin line but it’s worth the exploration.

Thinking about your list of goals or things you would like to accomplish in life. How many of them involve finances? Now without ever meeting you I can bet that majority of them have a financial component. Picture yourself on a first date with someone. A common question that may arise is “what are some of your dreams, plans or goals?” Bingo! This is your segue into talking about finances in a manner that doesn’t make it the main emphasis of conversation but displays it as a necessary factor in living your best life. It is also important to reciprocate the question in order to determine if you too can be a potential asset to the other person. Remember that you aren’t talking about money instead you’re trying to enhance yours as well as the other person’s quality of life. Although gold digging commonly involves a hardworking, wealthy individual and a lazy person riding their coat tails, goal digging positions you as an active participant in your own destiny. Teamwork and partnership are two primary components of the latter and each involves compromise in order to be successful. So moving forward, don’t allow fear of being perceived as selfish or shallow get in the way of incorporating finances into your companion seeking ventures. Be fearless and honest about where you intend to go and grow!